Jealousy Analyzers T-Shirts

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"I decided to treat my employees like friends...now I hate all of them!"

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

'Listen, Geoffrey ...I know you're a clinical psychologist, but I DON'T have A.D.D. ! You're just incredibly boring.'

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"It's not what you think."

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

Road Guilt

'No fooling around. I'm a very jealous guy.'

"I can't see it lasting!"

"She's cute, but she's eroding my power base."

'Get your hands off my husband.'

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

'According to a recent issue of 'psychology today', all your fears are well founded.'

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Mittens."

Shrink to criminal - 'At what age did you lose your innocence?'

"How the mighty have fallen!"

'Don't mind him. He's just an 'X' who's jealous of 'U'.'

'The three essentials for any work of art are content, composition, and how envious it makes the neighbors.'

'Sometimes she's like a wave, sometimes she's like a particle.'

Girl putting her toys in groups

'If'n you don't stop talkin' to my honey, I'm gonna come down and kick the stuffin' outta you.'

'An oral contract is not worth the paper it's written on.'

'And if I so much as look at another man, he goes ballistic!'

'Okay, so I'll ask someone else to marry me!'

Dog thinking: 'This lap isn't big enough for the two of us.'

"Good God. My wife and my best friend."

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

'I'm Sally, your waitress for tonight, and this is Hugo, my insanely jealous boyfriend.'

'I don't get it.'

Cat hissing at laptop computer.

"You've come a long way, baby."