Jargon Slayer Gifts

"I'll stop saying 'irregardless' if you'll stop staying 'at this point in time.'"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We have an acronym!"

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

A Bloody Butcher

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

"It's a swearbox."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

Dept. for Obfuscation - Out for periodic diurnal replenishment of nutritive substances.

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"We were unwinding, and Frances come unwound completely."

'Here's the good news. 'Happy camper' and 'are we having fun yet' have been added to the official list of banned cliches.'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

'I was headhunted.'

"Remember, when they go low... we observe shareholder value and act accordingly."