Jargon Navigator Gifts

"We've gotta move on, I can't digest this stuff!"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

Torturing the English Language

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

'Are we there yet?'

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"We have an acronym!"

Characters jumping out of a book.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

A Bloody Butcher

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

'I'm not being punished! I'm reading because I happen to enjoy reading!'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."