Jane Goodall Enthusiast Gifts

"Gracie, I'm getting way tired of your Jane Goodall routine!"

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Whoa

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Suffering from Cooties?

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

Growth Charts

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

Maternity Ward

Toddler Feeding Solutions

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Open other end

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'How many fingers do you see?'

Crying baby