Jane Goodall Enthusiast Pillows

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Suffering from Cooties?

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

Growth Charts

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

Maternity Ward

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Crying baby

Early childhood development

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

'How many fingers do you see?'

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