Jab Master Pillows

'The thing I liked best about being an amateur is that the other guy was an amateur too!'

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

Fighting Covid

"Anna - there's someone I'd like to meet."

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

"An everything Martini, please."

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

'I told you we should have gone wireless.'

Remote control wars.

Covid v Vaccinator

'To find out how to start your new mobile, please read the manual. T' read the manual, please start your mobile.

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."

Ah Ha!

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

'Please don't read anything into the minutes, Ms. Thomas. Just reading the minutes will suffice.'

"You were right, Ed, I should have stopped when you said to....now I don't have enough money to pay for this drink!"

Cottage Industry

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

"I'll just mow the lawn then I'll put myself forward to lead the Conservatives."

"I gave him 'the old one two' just like you told me to. But then he gave me 'the old three four'."

We try to keep our jam making expertise quiet!

"Let's make this our last celebrity cruise."

Frankie Boyle

'Now look what you've done. I told you that I wanted a fair fight... making fun of his trunks is hitting below the belt.'

"You can't go on because you're 'feeling funny'? In your case it's so rare, make the most of it!"

'I thought I'd try making marmalade. Do we have any marmals?'

Checking watch

'Good. Now slide the 'O' ring over the hubble's sleeve there in front of you.'

'Every year was the same. There was always some clown or comedian in Brian's intake of pupils.'

Homemade Jam.

"See, I told you it would hurt me as much as it would hurt you."

Substitute Music Teacher Phil, A non-musician, performs for his students: 'My next selection is something I will now download from the Internet.'

Right jab or left jab.

Large handbook for hand held PCs.