Itinerary Master Gifts

'I can book your reservations now. I'm checking the linings for airline arrivals, departures, bankruptcies...'

Tourists

Airlines

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

"I can't wait for vacation - I'm going to go sun myself in a south-facing window."

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Next year I'm hiring a tank!'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

'Are we broke yet?'

'We would like an unspoiled paradise, but with lots of shops.'

An alleyway leads to a scenic area.

"The best beaches are Santa Cruz, Hossegor, Ericeira, The Gold Coast, Barbados, Sennen Cove, Oahu and Bali son: They're full of surfers..."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

BIG BOOK OF CAMPER VAN NAMES

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

"Actually, I hear my boss. I'm on a working vacation."

"Don't blame me, you're the one who suggested an island-hopping holiday!"

Planned service changes

'You're going on a long journey. Have you got an OAP's bus pass?'

"I think I found a location for our vacation."

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

Vacation Time: Hither, Thither, Yon.

"If we'd gone South for the winter, we'd be back by now."

"It looks brighter over there!"

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

You have a major fiasco at 10:30, followed by a shocking scandal at 2:15.

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

"Make a note, Ellen—one Speedo, size 54."