Italian Mafia Gifts

'These are pinching a bit around the toes. Can I try another pair?'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

Pisa Hut.

'We go to Italy in the summer - it's like a home from home for the kids!'

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

The Pooperrazzi

"It's not for you, it's for the paparazzi."

Welcome to celebrity hell.

Mario's Family Portraits.

'What makes the Tower of Pisa lean?' 'It never eats.'

"Who, Big Sal? Sure, we were in cahoots years ago, but we fell out of cahoots."

"This is just between you and me and the lamppost." "I'll sell it to the tabloids."

Media press pack outside stable where Jesus is born

Trying to rectify the Leaning Tower of Pisa

"I think I prefer a hot Italian sun on my back and a hot Italian hand on my backside..."

Stepped in Dog Poo.

Venetian without the knowledge

"Whoops! We have pot holes here, too."

'Testing, testing... Any better' 'Are you sure he's not wired'

"But you just had to elude the paparazzi."

Press Pass

'This camera is so fast that you don't even have to press the shutter release.'

"Apparently, in this kingdom, there's no room for a 'royal watcher'."

"Get all the information you can, we'll think of a use for it later."

'Bloody paparazzi' - 'I know, it's at least 40 minutes since I rang them!'

Journalists block an ambulance crew.

"I keep it on to remind me that I managed to escape a life of crime before I was in too deep."

'I take it that this will be your first visit to Venice?'

The message was clear: Pay up or die. Or maybe it was: Change the water.

crime

'The Raffia Mafia.'

Message In Bottle In Bottle

"People are sick of 'automated' systems, they want to talk to real people..."