It Support Specialist Gifts

'Hello tech support? When I simultaneously press CTRL, TAB, ALT, NUM Lock, and Page Up keys, my fingers hurt.'

The Dilemma of Computer Support Terminology vs. Layman Terminology: 'Okay, I've put it in the recycle bin, now what?'

'For an English translation of what the tech support person says, press 2...'

"You fix it by buying a new one."

"What happens if you hit escape?"

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

'For the 80th time, you cannot get rid of viruses by pouring bleach down the back of your computer!'

'We need to upgrade our tech help from my 12 year old nephew.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

"Your call is important to us - but not important enough...."

'My search engine got lost somewhere.'

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

Ask not for whom the photocopier jams, it jams for thee.

'We were going to get rid of the superbug but he's the only one who understands the new IT system.'

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

'Ah, here's your problem - all this spaghetti is real spaghetti.'

'Hello, technical support? Which one is the 'any key'?'

"That's Bill, from tech support."

Child Support Agency - 'Can you help us get our computers to work?'

'What the...?!' ( The page cannot be displayed )

'Sir, you need special help to fix this problem. Please hold the line whilst I put you through to our exorcist.'

"As a last resort Tom's trying a mind-meld!"

TECHNICAL SUPPORT, 'Have you tried pounding it with your fist?'

"Now the geeks hold all the power. They're the ones who know how to forge a parent's e-signature."

They want to clean my hard drive...

'We're only ten tech support calls away from another free pizza!'

Computer tech support sacred offering

"Why do you call your photocopier 'Bob Marley'?"

'This is Charles, our IT guy. He's cutting edge. He was an early adopter of the mouse pad.'

'Well, now, let's just shine the light of common sense and linear thinking on this little computer problem of yours, shall we?' 'I'm not THAT desperate yet.'

'I suppose you tried to fix it yourself.'

"Feel any better?"

"No, the computers are up. We're down."

The printer is out of ink and in need of a hug.

'Please call customer services for assistance with your enquiry.' - 'Gah. Useless website!' - 'Press '1' for sales. Press '2' for customer service.' - '2' - 'Please visit our website at...' - 'Oh, you did not just say that!'