It Security Professional Pillows

"What happened to the good old days when people just breached contracts?'

"If there's a way in, they'll find it."

Peep-A-Boo Spyware: 'Your Privacy is Our Eminent Domain!'

Site warns website users their personal details might have been compromised...

Forgot My Mother's Maiden Name.

Internet fraud.

'This is Mr. Uhmatungha, he knows how to protect computers from even the worst hacker and virus attacks.'

'Enter a credit card or your avatar is history.'

"Quick! What's your Instagram password?"

"I'm sorry, sir - it seems your account has been cleaned out by a class of schoolchildren doing computer studies in Leichtenstein. . ."

"I can't remember my social security."

21st century Safe Sex - protecting against face-recognition software.

"Is my phone line secure? Yes, it's got little cable ties and everything."

"I know they're sweating and their hearts are racing with fear. We hacked their wearable technology."

'Sergeant, there's someone here who says he's holding your access codes for ransom.'

Computer Crimes

'Gone Phishing.'

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

Cyber Theft

Cloud-Based Security.

'They used to be grown using a secret fertiliser but it's public knowledge now.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

The Computer Bore

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

Online form - Submit.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'