It Professionals Day Gifts

TECHNICAL SUPPORT, 'Have you tried pounding it with your fist?'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

The Computer Bore

Online form - Submit.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'Here's MY information highway!'

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

'Who changed the password to 'arf'?'