It Management Gifts

"What's wtih the ladder? Is it a stairway to heaven?"

Error: System clock is running 30 seconds slow!

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'

'He knows where the viruses are buried.'

'Our techies assure us no one stole the data. There were no hackers involved. We just lost it, all by ourselves.'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"Looks like we found the issue."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Let's not go by the book.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

Computer Room.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'