Irs Avoider Pillows

'Eloise! This feller says he's 'a gent named Iris' and wants to talk to us about Texas.'

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

Sawdust.

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

"Wow. That guy on psychic chat line is really good. He told me our next phone bill would be bigger than usual!"

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

'I don't like to waste time. How long on average does it take a recruit to make general?'

"Hmm....who's this tall drink of water?"

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

"It's a great invention, but what if it leads to UTILITY BILLS?"

Is there any history of not paying medical bills in your family? M.D.

"My doctor told me to avoid any unecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill."

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty to tax evasion by reason of math phobia.'

'What do you mean, I don't match? Everything I'm wearing is wrinkled.'

"But this is the way we've always done it."

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

"I don't like all the responsibility that comes with my new pompousness."

Next time youwant to demonstrate Ronaldo's flying overhead kick to your nephew...use a pen and paper!

Introducing the 1040 - F.I.* Form (*The tax return for the financially incompetent.)

It's not that Ned is superstitious...but rather, he doesn't take unnecessary risks!

"I've got this phobia about paying bills...."

'Most of your repressed memories involve not paying my fees.'

'I found I'm able to maintain my disposition by not watching any economic or employment news.'

'Here are the facts of life - ten ways to outsmart the IRS.'