Economic Avoider Pillows

'I found I'm able to maintain my disposition by not watching any economic or employment news.'

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

"We're going to play the boss's favorite game - 'pin the blame on the scapegoat.'"

'Alice are you dating me only because you don't feel like cooking?'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

'Of course you're a failure! Look at you - seventy-two and you've never had a mid-life crisis!'

Election Cancelling Headphones

Snoozed when I should have schmoozed.

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

Buffet - now glutton free.

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

'I don't like to waste time. How long on average does it take a recruit to make general?'

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

"I invited a few friends over. Don’t worry – you can still be miserable."

Herman likes to stay in his comfort zone.

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

"This is crazy! Why can't they give us one e-reader with all our school textbooks already on it? That way...I can ignore just one book instead of this whole stack!"

"We came early to avoid the conga line."

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty to tax evasion by reason of math phobia.'

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

'I roll over and play dead when I don't want to see someone.'

"I've hung all the credit card bills on the tree, maybe that will stop you going to the sales."

"Well, it might interest you to know that 'running naked' means running without a watch or iphone."

"I don't like all the responsibility that comes with my new pompousness."

It's not that Ned is superstitious...but rather, he doesn't take unnecessary risks!

'These hibernation pills will let you sleep through the recession without any panic attacks.'

'New dog?' - 'Yes, and no more food bills, no vets fees.'

Lemmings look over a cliff at a safety net