Irreverence Gifts

Valentine Gift think tank for single men who never get married

"Do you guys serve beer?"

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"Seriously, just pull my finger ..."

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Welsh airport arrivals.

This is forever... till death do us part...

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"Today's sermon will be followed immediately by a rebuttal from the opposition."

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

"Reverend, if we're born again in Jesus...do we get another belly button?"

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

'They met in a revolving door and started going around together.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

'Fortunately, the Almighty is compassionate, kind, understanding, and hopefully tone deaf.'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

'All the tellers are nuns.'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."