Ironylovers Gifts

"The time management consultant rang to say he's running late!"

"Live and let live...Dude. Are you even listening?"

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

Backfire

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Horror movies

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"How do you do it, hon? Marriage, kids, civic responsibilities, managing a multi-million dollar business and still finding time to do an 18-month stretch for securities fraud?"

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"It's the dawn of a new era"

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Eat my dust!"

Cactus seats.