Ironylovers Pillows

"The time management consultant rang to say he's running late!"

"Live and let live...Dude. Are you even listening?"

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

Backfire

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Horror movies

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"How do you do it, hon? Marriage, kids, civic responsibilities, managing a multi-million dollar business and still finding time to do an 18-month stretch for securities fraud?"

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

Cactus seats.

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"Eat my dust!"

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

"It's the dawn of a new era"

"Needs to get a life"

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!