Irony Idolizer Pillows

"From this you make a living?"

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

Louis Armstrong

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

Horror movies

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"How do you do it, hon? Marriage, kids, civic responsibilities, managing a multi-million dollar business and still finding time to do an 18-month stretch for securities fraud?"

"You've changed."

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."