Irony Enabler Gifts

'According to this list, this list is ranked #4 on the greatest lists of all time.'

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."