Irony Detector Pillows

Coin Return 25¢

'I know you'll make a wonderful job of being unemployed!'

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"How do you do it, hon? Marriage, kids, civic responsibilities, managing a multi-million dollar business and still finding time to do an 18-month stretch for securities fraud?"

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Deer Season Open.

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.