Ironical Humor Appreciator Gifts

Another letter from my bank manager about my account being over drawn...

So doctor, what you're saying is that all the time I thought she was a crazy cat lady, it was me who had mental health issues...

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Woman uses a remote control to turn on the sunset.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Whales eat billions of tiny shrimp-like creatures called krill. The krill are free but whales spend a fortune on dental floss."

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

'A cheeky red?'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"I think therefore I am." "Bow Wow, Bow Wow, Bow Wow."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'