Ironic Wine Lover Gifts

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great wines for under $5.00 a bottle.'

Wine Lady

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"I want a wine that's wise but unassuming, and not ashamed of a screw on cap."

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"A cheeky red?"

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

Waiter watering down wine

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

Angelic Wine

Swine List

"This wine has hints of rebellion with a lingering finish of rugged individuality - did you buy this to defy me?"

"Despite the oaked tannins and lingering aftertaste, I don't think red pairs well with seal blubber."

'Dagnabit, stranger! Is you sayin' I don't know the difference between a cabernet sauvignon, and a merlot?!!'

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'

Don't confuse me with justice, counselor. Justice is blind. I'm just blind drunk.

'If the pesticides, herbicides and fungicides keep us from selling this as wine, how about we go into the nightlight business?'

'Of course you feel unwell. You have too much blood in your alcohol stream!'

'The art is only so-so, but the California white wine is quite acceptable.'

'This ones very cheap but will get you very drunk. It's from our new Chav range.'

"Dinner is poured."

"Wine with dinner tonight, Tom - and it's locally sourced!"

"Mr. Rotgut! Mr. Rotgut! A car's coming! A car's coming, and he sure doesn't look lost to me!"

Mom wine tasting

A man drinks wine

'I'm getting turpentine..I'm getting lighter fuel..'