Ironic Nickname Fans Pillows

I wish somebody had told me "Prince Charming" is an ironic nickname his fraternity gave him!

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

Backfire

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

End the Winter Blues

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

The loving, yet vengeful God of Cheshire!

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'Hey, buddy, do you mind lending me a hand? I appear to be stuck in this thing.'

What should we do this fine Sunday? I have an idea. Let's spend the day staring at each other and using pet names. Ahem. You affection is making us ill! They're upset, Monkey Bear. You're so handsome. We're trying to eat!

"You calm down."

"Nice haircut."

"I'd like to see you do this online."

Greed.

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

Telekinetics on strike...

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"So, how's your scary movie?"

"Is your dog friendly?"

'Ants of all lands, unite!'

'So, then.... you don't LIKE life in the fast lane?'

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

"It's Friday the 13th. I feel lucky!"

You dope! Why would you build our home right next to a power plant?