Ironic Macho Gifts

Geezer.

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

"Of course I know how to use a chainsaw!"

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

Important Muscles.

Macho Vegetarian

Soldiers' Ego

Department of Who's Your Daddy?

Alpha males through the ages!

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

"Wanna come over and watch the big game?....I was actually talking about the new 'Pac-Man vs. Superman' X-box game."

"This is all my own hair."

"Football and hunting - what more could you ask for?"

"If he'd done that to me, I'd have got up and given him a good thump!"

'I looked into their eyes before I shot them, with my high-powered rifle, from half a mile away.'

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'

'That rig has made me feel more like a man than any woman ever did.'

"There's one telltale sign a man is interested in you....He weeps when you mercilessly mock him and all that he holds dear....It also weeds out the 'men' who are afraid to cry."

'That's a good start, Betsy, but could you make it more macho?'

'John's hiding. I expect His wife gave him quiche again for lunch.'

Arm and leg wrestling.

'I want my money back -- I'm still a wuss.'

'My speed limit is bigger than yours.'

"Your old boyfriend came by. He wants to patch things up."

"I recommend the lobster today, sir, if you think you're man enough."

"Okay boys, time to maintain a delicate ecological balance between man and beast."

Soft answer that turneth away wrath bar and grill...formerly, Salty's

Office worker leans back on chair. Woman says: 'Sorry, but that does not make you a risk-taker.'

I have an awful headache. Do you have an aspirin? Not so fast, little buddy. A real man doesn't mask his symptoms with pharmaceuticals. Even if it feels like a jackhammer on his forehead, a real man grits his teeth and bears it. A real man rides it out the way he'd ride out a bucking bronco. Not everything in life is a test of my manhood. A real man would beg to differ.

'Bad hairy-chest day.'

'I like a man with a good, firm fist bump.'

Macho Males: Putin and Obama

I have an awful headache. Do you have an aspirin? Not so fast, little buddy. A real man doesn't mask his symptoms with pharmaceuticals. Even if it feels like a jackhammer on his forehead, a real man grits his teeth and bears it. A real man rides it out the way he'd ride out a bucking bronco. Not everything in life is a test of my manhood. A real man would beg to differ.

The Men Thing. . .

'Oh yeah? Step outside and say that!'