Ironic Indulgencer Gifts

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

Make your resolutions achievable.

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Look Reg, a ship...we're saved!'

"Great coffee, Carole."

Woman thinking about luxuries.

"Only 35% CACAO? I'll have to eat TWICE as much then!"

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'

'Wait! Wait a minute! Would you hold my glasses?'

"Good news, chief, a computer virus destroyed all our documents."

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

In Case of Emergency: Dark Chocolate

"Gucci Firenze 1921"

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

"I can cure your back problem, but there's a risk that you'll be left with nothing to talk about."

'You're looking well.'

'Please take this away from me.'

"Who are These People?"

'Tonight's special presentation, 'The Myth of the Mafia,' was made possible by a grant from the Gambino family.'

'The bears are very well-behaved.'

"I think we can agree that the bridge collapsing is not a good thing."

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

"It's my day off."

'Forget economy! Put us down for every frill you got!'

'Did anyone save a stomach for dessert?'

A Donut Ride Outside of a Police Station

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"