Ironic Indulger Gifts

Diet now...ask me how. 'I spent $600 at the fat farm and haven't lost a single kilo, apparently you're supposed to show up...'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Look Reg, a ship...we're saved!'

"Great coffee, Carole."

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'

'Wait! Wait a minute! Would you hold my glasses?'

"Good news, chief, a computer virus destroyed all our documents."

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

"I can cure your back problem, but there's a risk that you'll be left with nothing to talk about."

'You're looking well.'

"Who are These People?"

'The bears are very well-behaved.'

"Is that neat whisky?"

'Tonight's special presentation, 'The Myth of the Mafia,' was made possible by a grant from the Gambino family.'

'Please take this away from me.'

"I think we can agree that the bridge collapsing is not a good thing."

A Donut Ride Outside of a Police Station

"It's my day off."

"But you told me you were on gardening leave, so why can't you come and help me in the garden?"

'Did anyone save a stomach for dessert?'

"I'll have you know that I'm not breathing fire at all. I'm having a vape."

Let's afford him the same respect his minions gave Pres. Obama and his family."

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

'Don't you find watching people relaxing?'

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

The Food of Shame.

Priceless antiques priced to sell!

'That's enough cream. Please stop.'

'Spatula.'