Ironic Hooker Gifts

Latch Hook...

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I'll bet you can't name three of their songs."

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

Boy copying abstract artwork in an art gallery.

"You've gotta be for Trump. It's all about the judges."

"She's not naked, Jake, she's French."

Thanksgiving Turkey Fortune: "Why the silence?"

'You're fired, Creedmore - but first, let me give you a good-bye hug.'

'I've taken my knowledge of science and math and applied them to fashion to produce a wardrobe that's guaranteed to malfunction to get you the most possible publicity.'

"Physician heal thyself."

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

'We run a respectable business here, Miss Faversham, so, just a reminder, no twerking!'

Running in please pass

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

"You only get one chance to make a great exhaustion."

'I've never felt so alive...'

VINYL HISS

"No, no, I'm just here for the relationship."

"My first concern is the well-being of my crew."

'There's a machine now that tells you when to stop drinking. It's called a cash point machine.'

Downcycling with Debbie

Wussapalooka

"We're helping Tom to find alternative was of expressing his anger!"

'We're trying to get 'Keith Richards on Sobriety'...'

"We outsourced our joyless TV dinners to a delightful couple from next door."

'I couldn't break 100, so I bought new clubs and took lessons and now I can't break 120!'

A child pulls the lever of a machine that is combination of both a slot machine and a gumball machine.

'You've been matched with a pub in Wigan' (to a man at a dating agency).

I don't know what came over me that week – I'm not normally that creative.