Ironic Gambler Gifts

'I'll bet you fifty dollars that you can't stop gambling.'

Post Game Day Betting.

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

'I'll see your dirty laundry, and raise you six children.'

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

STRIP Hambone: Betting on horse racing with the company payroll

'Will you make the final table?'

"I'd get out of the volatile, capricious, irritating stock market. . . but I might miss out on further gains."

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

"I say this as a friend, Tom...we always know when you're bluffing!"

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

'Is that a roll of pound coins?'

"So he pulls out a 1 iorn, see? I say to him. Bob I says, not even God can hit a 1 iron. Then, there was a flash of light and boom!"

"Ask your doctor if you're strong enough to day trade options."

'You say that one day you win and the next day you lose? Why don't you bet on alternate days?'

Vending machines at work: Snacks, Coffee, Glimmer of Hope

'Look at the bright side, it's better to have loved money and lost than never to have invested at all.'

'I actually make a lot more money as a bookmaker than I ever did as a race horse...'

'I used to be really depressed about losing the superlotto, but then I found this support group, and I realized I'm not the only person who hasn't won.'

"How long have you been wasting our money on lottery tickets?"

"Every hand I draw is a royal flush! This really is heaven!"

'I know it's a long shot but wouldn't it be worth hanging on until after the wednesday lottery draw?'

A child pulls the lever of a machine that is combination of both a slot machine and a gumball machine.

"I thought you said risk taking was okay?" 'Not putting the pension fund on Lucky Lady to win."

Gambling in Heaven - Losing your halo.

'I chose the jockeys wearing the prettiest colours and I'm doing better than him!'

"I'd like 13,983,816 lottery tickets please..."

Billy strip: dad doesn't get to shuffle the horses.

Gamblers

'No, I DON'T want to make a side bet on the spelling test!'

Speculators

"Wow, Tia Carmen! This is a big shrine!"

"Here's that lottery ticket I told you about! I matched all but five numbers! And I bought it on Thursday instead of Tuesday! Other than that, I would have won!"

Cabby and facetious fare