Comedic Gambler Gifts

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

'I'll see your dirty laundry, and raise you six children.'

STRIP Hambone: Betting on horse racing with the company payroll

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

Mary's Botox injections paid for themselves in no time.

'It's been so long since he's been on dry land.'

'The cat does like having something to scratch.'

"What is it with you and your baggy clothes?"

'Is that a roll of pound coins?'

Golf Ball in Nest.

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

Vending machines at work: Snacks, Coffee, Glimmer of Hope

'I actually make a lot more money as a bookmaker than I ever did as a race horse...'

A child pulls the lever of a machine that is combination of both a slot machine and a gumball machine.

'I'm not sure, but I think illegal gambling is when you WIN.'

STRIP Old Caddy (colour)

'Shall we forget the ball and start to look for the golf course?'

"That's a lovely tee-shot." - "Well, thank you, it matches my underpants."

'I know it's a long shot but wouldn't it be worth hanging on until after the wednesday lottery draw?'

Bet and Breakfast.

Billy strip: dad doesn't get to shuffle the horses.

'The Science Channel's started a new quiz show -- 'The Carbon-Dating Game.''

"I'd like 13,983,816 lottery tickets please..."

'According to this rubbish I'm going on a long journey.'

'I've got the high score on this game, and the NSA has confirmed it.'

'No, I DON'T want to make a side bet on the spelling test!'

'I like being last in line. That way, I'm the last fool to part with his money.'

Fruit machine...

"They're playing with food again."

Caveman's Clubs.