Ironic Classifieds Readers Gifts

'It shouldn't be difficult to find a date: The classifieds are full of lone wolf ads...'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

The Salmon Run

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

X-ray Psychology.

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

Fish snorkling above water.

wattle covers

'I think it's about time we tell him he's adopted.'

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

A bird that is also the helmet from a suit of armour (or is it a bird inside a helmet?). Notice the very small flying bird/helmet in the background.

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

Sign that says 'This is not a sign.'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

The missiles had failed...so it was down to Frank...and plan B.

Mou...Man trap!

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

'I'm taking you off that banana diet, Mrs Smith!'

The revenge of Russell

'Dad says I can't come out tonight. It's some sort of infield fly rule.'

They soon changed their name..

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"