Ironic Artistry Fan Pillows

'We will KILL whoever did this!'

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Backfire

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"Keep your money, sir. I'm on strike!"

The Snarky District

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Winter Weather.

Sales - "Any other suggestion besides getting a bigger chart?"

The opera - 'Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you ain;t a-goin' in again.'

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"Nice haircut."

'Hey, buddy, do you mind lending me a hand? I appear to be stuck in this thing.'

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

Holiday cottage

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

"No more cartooning, I'm afraid. You've got an irony deficiency."

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

'If you'll excuse me, my car is on fire.'