Ironic Artistry Fan Gifts

'We will KILL whoever did this!'

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Backfire

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"Keep your money, sir. I'm on strike!"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

The Snarky District

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

The Uber Ride of Paul Revere

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Winter Weather.

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

Sales - "Any other suggestion besides getting a bigger chart?"

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"Nice haircut."

The opera - 'Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you ain;t a-goin' in again.'

'Hey, buddy, do you mind lending me a hand? I appear to be stuck in this thing.'

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

Holiday cottage

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

"No more cartooning, I'm afraid. You've got an irony deficiency."

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

Sharks' Mission Statement

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

'My firm has scrutinised your budget and determined you could save a fortune by sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!'