Investment Setbacks Survivor Gifts

My windfall has been downgraded to an overdraft.

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'Our company has hit an iceberg and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

Rogue Traders from Parallel Universes.

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

'Oh no! We're in negative equity.'

"All in favor of changing out name from '17th Federal Savings & Loan' to 'Still Here Bank'..."

"We'll double our chances of recovery if we buy two lottery tickets."

"Let's first talk about how you could have done worse."

Sign reading "Bought High; Sold Low."

'I am a staving artist. I'm fat because all I can afford is junk food!'

'Our cries of Armageddon were completely ignored, so let's just keep throwing money at the economy.'

'My accounts aren't insured, but it's the risk I take for higher interest rates.'

'You don't want to go to hell, J.B. In hell, the market is always down.'

'Your 401 (K) went down the drain, but if it's any consolation, you can keep the commemorative cup.'

"Your money is no longer working for you. It got laid off."

'See if our technical people can get this up and running.'

'Read an investment book that changed my life...please help.'

"We were wondering if now would be a good time to panic."

"Nothing in my hat. Nothing up my sleeve. And as of right now, ladies and gentlemen, nothing at all left in my goddamn portfolio."

'If it's any consolation, your portfoilo is now in a far better place.'

"First me stock split, then my wife ran away with my broker, then my driverless car drove off without me..."

Please Help Me Get Back To Buying Risky Stocks On Margin.

"Sure, you lost most of your money investing in this stock, but they did give you a participation trophy."

'I've decided to hang in for the long-term. Maybe even all day!'

'Since I lost my shirt on the stock market, I now only accept strong currency or gold bullion.'

'Your portfolio took a beating...,but the good news is no humans or animals were injured.'

'We've got to think about our lending policy for small businesses... Like my tailor!'

'What a difference one year makes. I managed to go from entrepreneur to nontrepreneur.'

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'