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"Let's just say the value of your account has gone from jumbo to fun size."

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

In the Guru District

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"What's a debenture?"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Build Your Own Portfolio

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

The economy.

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

E.U. Banking Union.

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

European currency on the edge.

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

Stock market investment advice

Flat tax - equal burden?