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Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

The day the stock market went UP.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

'The Fed decided today not to raise or lower interest rates, but instead just moved them sideways a little.'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

'Time to buy.'

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

The symbol for the euro (?) depicted as the wheel of a wheelchair, symbolising the state of the currency

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

Economy.

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'Looks like we'll have to break into the piggy bank to find our endowment funding.'