Investment Irony Lover Pillows

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"It would appear that our 'rainy day investment fund' hasn't even yielded enough to buy us an umbrella each."

"Well, that's not a good market indicator."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

Markets and Marketabilityby Jane Austen

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

"Willis has kindly agreed to sum up our current financial position."

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

"It's a bill."

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

'Thank goodness we don't need profits in order to make piles of money.'

"Regarding earnings guidance, as my mother used to say: 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything'. I'll be shutting up now."

'Sorry, I don't do financial advice.'

"The most important feature of economic predictions is trying not to laugh while making them."

'Who's the wise guy?'

We have boorish stocks for boorish times.

'Rumors...'

'You may want to consider diversifying your portfolio.'

"Run for your lives! It's one of those sovereign wealth funds."

"He's all the stimulus I need."

Got out of the market too soon, got back in too late.

'We can't increase taxes on the rich - the rich are the ones who made America what it is today - and you only hope...someday...'

Help! Author of the best-selling book, 'How to invest' - but lost it all in the stock market.

"Reinvesting all profits from this gym into a string of donut shops is job security."

'Would it be possible to fire last year's 40,000 employees a second time?'

First Church of Fiscal Morality: The Meek Shall Inherit The National Debt!

"What's the current return on investment?"

An office collection for an employee penniless from too many office collections

Off the wall financial adviser.

The world can fry like a chip and end tomorrow as far as I'm concerned! I've made sure all my money is safe.

"Repent! Or your return on investment shall wither and there will be great wailing and gnashing of teeth in Accounts Receivable."

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'