Investment Innovators Gifts

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"Are you playing footsie with me?"

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

'This graph may need some explaining...'

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

"At the end of the day Simon, money talks!"

Counting dollars

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'We're quite confident this lull won't last long.'

Pig's Human Bank

'Of course, in the long term we're all extinct.'

Businessman with two boxes: 'Nothing Ventured' and 'Nothing Gained'.

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

"We have a new line of designer hedge funds...the Topiary Group."

'They've dealyed our IPO so long that we've gone from intending to open a chain of pre-schools to opening a chain of nursing homes.'

'The plan was idiot-proof. Unfortunately, someone came up with a superior idiot.'

Business plan.

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"Sorry guys, but your 'magic mind-reader' doesn't seem to be working."

Shareholder's Meetings

"This is what we recommend for motion sickness, due to the stockmarket's rollercoaster ride."

"What they lose on the swings we gain on the roundabouts."

'Pep's finance' man confused and scared of 'Real estate', 'Gold' etc

"The secret to his success is: buy low, sell high, follow your nose."

'You won't lose any more money. We're the first fund with a GPS tracking system.'

'You shouldn't put all your cash into one stock... you need to diversify. Try buying beef, vegetable and chicken stock...'

"So you're an investor who dabbles in art? I happen to be an artist who dabbles in money."

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

"We invest in original art but these days this is all we could afford."

'Sell during a boom; buy during a bust - that sounds more like Warren Buffett instead of Buddha.'

"I want to switch all my municipal bonds into stocks, my stocks into T-bill and my T-bills into municipal bonds."

'I dabble in stocks all the time. Beef, chicken, and vegetable.'