Investment Adventurer Gifts

The 'Jesse James' retirement plan for procrastinators.

"Dow's up!"

Stock Market Roller-coaster.

New York Stock Exchange: Feed the bears at your own risk.

'Careful, they sound like cowboys.'

'...could we interest you in investing a proportion in one of our harebrained schemes?'

Are you really sure you want to go back in there?

Investor's Nightmare.

Investments: thrill-seekers welcome.

'It turns out it wasn't an Internet scam after all. It was just a really bad investment idea.'

The Day Trader

'Yeah. It was a good day.'

Investments: Winner of the Evel Knievel award for thrills and excitement.

"But Tim has tremendous faith in modern technology...he's looking for an 'Foolproof pension investment strategy in uncertain markets and a potentially imploding Eurozone' app!"

'How's about spicing up that dull portfolio with options on whether it will rain tomorrow?'

Psst, wanna buy low and sell high? Huh? This is a can't-miss deal. Buy now and sell in six months for a huge profit. Forget it. I learned my lesson during the dotcom boom. No more speculative investments for me. You misunderstand, fine sir. I'm not talking stocks. That's crazy stuff – for real buffoons. I'm talking real estate. The markets going crazy. Everyone's getting loaded. You cannot lose! Thus a man strode back into the bubble. Look at this condo in the Florida marshes!

"I'd like to explore the future market."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

Wall Street Couch

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Day trading.