Investigation Junkie Gifts

'We have a positive ID on the spacecraft, Mr. Ferguson. Now, if you can identify the one who abducted you, we won't keep you any longer!'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

National Everything Awareness Day

'I think I know what the problem is!'

'I'm designing a robot that'll do my drafting homework for me,'

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"Wait -- I have an app that creates a napkin to write the contract terms on."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'The next big thing is ultra nano.'

'I hunt and I gather. I invented multitasking.'

"And they say it's the safest 500-P/E stock out there."

"So, gentlemen.... By investing in this time vortex manipulator, we will be able to cross the bridges before we come to them."

"Actually, I worked my way up from ideas and you can too!"

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

'Sorry, you're overqualified for this job.'

"This is genius, Ted. We can't use it. Nobody will believe I thought of it."

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

Internet Cafe

"I'll need all the information you can find on why I need so much information."

'So that's his secret.'

'Hey! I've just had a great idea! How about a light bulb...?'

Investing 101 Acronym Test.

Filling Cabinet - "Why are all the letters different?"

President Putin.

Books and Phones

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'