Investigation Junkie T-Shirts

'We have a positive ID on the spacecraft, Mr. Ferguson. Now, if you can identify the one who abducted you, we won't keep you any longer!'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

National Everything Awareness Day

'I think I know what the problem is!'

'I'm designing a robot that'll do my drafting homework for me,'

Addicted to Facebook...lost internet connection.

"We used up our planet's energy source and we're here to hijack yours. Where do you keep all your coffee?"

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"Wait -- I have an app that creates a napkin to write the contract terms on."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'The next big thing is ultra nano.'

'I hunt and I gather. I invented multitasking.'

"And they say it's the safest 500-P/E stock out there."

"This is genius, Ted. We can't use it. Nobody will believe I thought of it."

Internet Cafe

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

"So, gentlemen.... By investing in this time vortex manipulator, we will be able to cross the bridges before we come to them."

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

'Sorry, you're overqualified for this job.'

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

"Actually, I worked my way up from ideas and you can too!"

"I'll need all the information you can find on why I need so much information."

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

'So that's his secret.'

President Putin.

'Hey! I've just had a great idea! How about a light bulb...?'

Investing 101 Acronym Test.

Filling Cabinet - "Why are all the letters different?"

"I'm from the Noble Prize committee. You're on to something big, but it's been done."

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'