Intuitive Chef Gifts

"I'm starving! How long will dinner be?"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

Chez Nous Menu

Children's Feast.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

The Origins of Everything

Granny with balanced pie chart

Pie Filling Reader

Witch's Brew.

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

Tzatzikicicle

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

'When does the fridge go on a diet?'

Spatula Conductor

Get me a bottle of house white. I need to clean the stainless steel surfaces.

Artist and chiken

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

"To be honest it's not char-grilled, it's actually hydrogen-fluoride lasered chicken."

"You know, Mark, your tabouli salad makes us look bad."

"I'm making 'libido helper' for dinner!"

"You don't use a cookbook, Tia Carmen?"

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

Who wants to lick the swatters.

Wow. That was a lot faster. (Published originally on October 20, 2011.)

"She'll only eat it if I cut it up in cloverleaf shapes, serve it on a blue plate, and do a little dance as I serve it."

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

Quisine: Exciting New Dishes Inspired By Whatever's Left On Your Shelf

"Did someone eat my edamame ice pack?!"

Lobster potion.

'This is Muriel's kitchen, where the magic happens -- you know, Voodoo and stuff like that,'

'Do try our jailhouse rock cake.'