Introverted Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"It's just a little device I use to help relieve the anxiety from meeting new people."

'My Wife accuses me of being anti-social. . .'

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

"Ever get the feeling you're being watched?"

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

Crime in bookshop

Men Working Things Out

'Remember, repeated failure... is no guarantee of eventual success!'

"Wow! Check out the moon."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"You're a bureaucrat, Ed. What do you mean you hate paperwork?"

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

A man sits behind a table in a book store with a sign that reads "Take the author to lunch 1 P.M."

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

'It takes all day to eat it.'

'Money can't buy happiness, Sims, so instead of a raise, I'm giving you a bottle of prozac.'

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

"Dear Author: Thank you so much for giving us the opportunity to reject your work."

'Young lady, stop talking to your dad in such a disrespectful way! After all he's a man with degrees and can fill in his unemployment benefit application in five different languages!'

Expensive health care

A panhandler with a sign that reads "From each according to his ability…. To each according to his need."

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

Jimmy Mussolini With "Leon""Precious I cannot be. One more allusion to Gilgamesh and I'll trash out. I make mistakes, just like you, every day. This may be one of them. I'll take the money and walk."

Universidad

"Well, instead of discussing the book we could discuss why none of us had time to read it."

"Out of my way! I'm late for that lecture on 'The Importance of Relaxation'!!!"

"What's the big deal. . . ? - We've been doing that for years anyway. . ."

Dr Rimbone suffered terribly from 'Dentist's Block'.

Workaholics Anonymous Meeting.

Florist - Dead Plants 1/2 Price!

"Nice to finally put a name to the face."

'It appears that he was given payback by his trophies.'

"I was married to my job for years, and now, all of a sudden, I'm paying ALIMONY to it!"