Intimacy Gifts

Happy Birthday 'Happy Birthday! Sex or Chess?'

"Foreplay? What do you want that for?"

"Not tonight, dear. I don't like you very much."

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

'I think Harry's getting serious.. he suggested we shower together.'

'See - I told you so.'

Man using an 'Ann Summers' magnifying glass on his wife's breasts

'How was that for me?'

"...I'm trisexual - I'll try anything sexual."

'You were hot in bed last night.' 'I know, I should have taken my socks off.'

211 days without an erectile dysfunction.

'Really Derek? Another 'Extreme Wither Event'?'

'What did you expect? The real thing's never going to live up to virtual sex.'

'I think we should also agree not to go to sleep horny.'

"Darling, are you ready - I thought we'd try it on a bed of wilted spinach."

Heart To Heart

"I never want to speak to you again, but I'm find with sex and other non-verbal activities."

"Can't you, just this ONCE, treat me as an object?"

"How come you never wear those thong panties I got you for your birthday?"

Sex Games of the Married

"Can I get back to you—right now I'm postcoital."

"Use your inside voice."

"You know, lately I've been fantasizing about having a twosome."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"Of course it was good, Milton. . . But the best part is it took my mind off the condition the country is in for nearly twenty minutes!"

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

Uses for Shower Stool

Sauvignon Bonk

"My husband's a big eater. Do you have any edible bathrobes?"

"My orgasm was fake."

"Just to let you know, that 'Is it in yet?' joke is pretty damaging to my confidence."

"Don't ask me about sex. Don't ask me about money."

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"