Interview Underdog Pillows

'My mother made me apply.'

'I'm sorry, but you haven't got the job.'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'Great job at today's meeting, Dunwoody. You're finally discovering your own voice as a yes-man!'

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'I wish there were true and false questions on math tests. At least that way I'd have a 70% chance of getting one right.'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

"Tell us something we don't know."

"Like many attorneys I was the runt of the litter."

'I know I've interviewed for this position last month, but since then I've hired a personal coach. I was thinking maybe a do-over interview.'

'What's a guy got to do to get a drink around here?'

"I can't promote you to that position ... you'd be perfect for the job."

'Thanks for coming in. Whoever gets the job will call you next week and let you know our decision.'

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

"I've been married for twenty years. How's that for conflict resolution?"

Masochistic Soccer Fan

'But you got a second interview, that's something.'

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

'I don't know anything about anything, but I'm great at looking stuff up!'

"It's just that sometimes, I feel like I'm on a sinking ship!"

A boxer refuses to give up after he has lost the fight.

"This is an impressive resume, but do you have other experience besides 'barking a lot'?"

80 Million Euros for a football player.

"We suck at this."

"I can say 'Yes, sir,' in three different languages."

"The name's Bond. Duane Bond."

"He came highly recommended – then again, it was a jury recommendation."