Interview Prep Enthusiast Pillows

"There's something missing on your resume'..."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

"Have a seat with the other candidates for the tech position but be wary of the spit balls."

'He will observe your text now...'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'Have you got a resume?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"