Interview Prep Enthusiast Prints

"There's something missing on your resume'..."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"Again, you may exercise your right to remain silent, but it's going to work against you since this is a job interview."

'How many words per minute do you type?'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

'He will observe your text now...'

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"Have a seat with the other candidates for the tech position but be wary of the spit balls."

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'Have you got a resume?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'