Interview Preparation Lover Prints

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'He will observe your text now...'

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'Have you got a resume?'

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

I think you should go after my job!

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.