Interview Preparation Lover Prints

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'He will observe your text now...'

"Again, you may exercise your right to remain silent, but it's going to work against you since this is a job interview."

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'Have you got a resume?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

'You seem qualified. What concerns me is the car you're driving. It's not sending out the right message.'

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."