Interview Junkie Pillows

"We're looking for someone exactly like you."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

'I'm designing a robot that'll do my drafting homework for me,'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"Wait -- I have an app that creates a napkin to write the contract terms on."

'How many words per minute do you type?'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'He will observe your text now...'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'The next big thing is ultra nano.'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'I hunt and I gather. I invented multitasking.'

'Have you got a resume?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"