Interview Aces Pillows

"The online part of the interview was yesterday."

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'I'm afraid working in a take-away isn't the sort of experience we're looking for.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'They all want to play the star.'

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Do you have any other skills?

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'