Interview Aces T-Shirts

"The online part of the interview was yesterday."

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'I'm afraid working in a take-away isn't the sort of experience we're looking for.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'They all want to play the star.'

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Do you have any other skills?

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."